Before we begin, you should know there is one holiday song that sums up my entire December energy: “Sugar and Booze” by Anna Gasteyer. 

It is my favorite, it is unhinged in exactly the right way, and it captures the mood of this season better than I ever could. Consider it the official soundtrack to what follows.

Because the holidays bring out the best in us, and by “best” I mean “I need a pour the size of my emotional baggage.”

Every December, an ancient question haunts the land:
“Is it too early to drink?”

To which I, a responsible adult with a mortgage, a skincare routine, and exactly zero tolerance for festive nonsense, respond:

“Sweetheart, it’s Christmas. The rules are decorative.”

We’re entering that gorgeous stretch of the year where time stops mattering, calories are imaginary, and every relative has at least one unsolicited opinion to gift you. 

Meanwhile, the house smells like cinnamon, pine, and barely-contained family tension.

So if you’re feeling a little chaotic, a little tired, and a little “why did I offer to host again?”, pull up a chair under the Christmas tree. You are a gift. 

A slightly frayed, possibly re-gifted, absolutely fabulous gift.

And gifts deserve wine.

Here’s your Holiday Wine Survival Lineup, organized not by grape, region, or sommelier-approved complexity… but by emotional necessity. Because Christmas demands structure, and this is the only structure I care about following.

🎄 Holiday Wine Selections: The Official Wine & Drama Survival Menu

1. The Noon Wine: Prosecco

Because it’s too early, and Champagne is too goddamn expensive to be popping before the sun hits its stride.

Prosecco is the civilized way to say, “I’m up, I’m here, and I’m already tired.”

It gives you bubbles without guilt, joy without judgment, and enough sparkle to pretend you’re thriving.

Tasting notes:
Expect crisp green apple, pear, white flowers, and a bright, playful fizz that forgives all sins, including the fact that you’re drinking at 11:07 AM.

Hot tip:
Aim for D.O.C. Prosecco, at minimum.
If you want to feel slightly superior to everyone else in the room, level up to D.O.C.G. and sip like an elegant menace.

Pair with:
Not making the bed. Not answering emails. Not pretending to be festive yet.

2. The “I Am Not Cooking All Of This Alone” Wine: Dark Rosé

Not Provence. Not whisper-pink. Not “I’m on a yacht with too much SPF.”

Christmas requires rosé that has seen things.
Rosé with structure.
Rosé that could stand up in a snowstorm and still look fabulous.

We’re talking:

• Tavel Rosé (France)

The queen of dark rosé.
Bold, dry, ruby-toned, and ready to carry you through the emotional Olympics of holiday cooking.
Tasting notes: raspberry, cherry, spice, rose petals, minerals.
A rosé that slaps back.

• Rioja Rosado (Spain)

A Spanish rosé with attitude.
Deeper color, richer fruit, more drama.
Tasting notes: red berries, melon, citrus peel, and a little herbal edge.
Pairs with holiday chaos and roasting pans.

• Malbec Rosé (Argentina)

Dark, intense, juicy, unapologetic.
Tasting notes: cherry jam, plum, tart strawberry, and a slight smoky vibe depending on the producer.
Perfect for:
Slicing onions dramatically and knowing you’re the main character.

This is the rosé you pour when you need moral support and hydration at the same time.

3. The “We Are Entering Turbulence” Wine: Merlot

Yes. Merlot. The comeback queen.

Listen, Pinot Noir is lovely, but she’s delicate. Christmas does not call for delicate.

Christmas calls for Merlot: the grand dame, the tired aunt, the woman who has lived through some things and will now be telling you the truth whether you asked or not.

Merlot is velvety. Merlot is forgiving. Merlot understands stress baking, cousin drama, and the emotional weight of hosting a holiday dinner.

We want rich, structured, velvety Merlot from places that know how to build character:

• Columbia Valley & Walla Walla (Washington State)

Washington Merlot is where Mother Nature said, “Let me show you something real.”
Tasting notes: black cherry, mocha, plum, cedar, cocoa, soft tannins.
Perfect balance between richness and restraint.

• Napa Valley (California)

The luxury version.
Lush, dense, sensual.
Tasting notes: blackberry, vanilla bean, baking spice, dark chocolate.
Pairs with prime rib, emotional damage, and expensive candlelight.

Entry-Level but Dependable

• 14 Hands — the Morpheus of budget Merlot: surprisingly wise.
• Bogle — the everyday hero of winter wine. Cozy, drinkable, no complaints.

4. The “Screw It, It’s Christmas” Wine: Shiraz (The Face-Slap Edition)

Forget subtlety. Forget restraint.
Christmas requires bold glove-meets-face Shiraz from Down Under.

Here’s your lineup of powerful Aussies that do not play:

• Penfolds Bin 28 Shiraz

Dark, dramatic, masculine energy.
Tasting notes: black fruit, mocha, spice, smoky notes.
A wine that walks into the room like it owns the house.

• Mollydooker The Boxer Shiraz (including Blue-Eyed Boy)

Pure hedonism.  
One. Of. My. Favorites.
Fruit bombs with swagger and a wink.
Tasting notes: Plum, blackcurrant syrup, prune, cedar, chocolate, vanilla, spice, massive mouthfeel.
This wine is basically wearing leather pants.

• Clonakilla O’Riada Shiraz

Sophisticated, aromatic, layered.
Tasting notes: violets, blackcurrant, pepper, smoke.
The elegant assassin of holiday wines.

If Cabernet is the CEO, Shiraz is the rock god who may or may not set your Christmas tree on fire in a sexy way.

5. The Nightcap Wine: Port

The velvet robe of the wine world.
When the dishes are done, the tree lights are glowing, and you’ve hit your final emotional checkpoint for the day, Port steps in like a warm hug.

Tasting notes:
Ripe dark fruits, fig, caramel, toasted nuts, warm spice, and a gentle sweetness that whispers, “You made it, darling.”

Pairs with:
Silence. Soft blankets. Pretending tomorrow doesn’t exist.

6. The Dessert Replacement: B&B (Benedictine & Brandy)

The wild card. The classic. The secret weapon.

B&B is what you drink when crème brûlée is nothing more than a wistful dream and you refuse to be disappointed.
A blend of French brandy and Benedictine liqueur, it tastes like holiday nostalgia bottled by a charming but emotionally unavailable Frenchman.

Tasting notes:
Honey, warm spice, herbal depth, caramel, and the kind of heat that makes your bones unclench.

Best served:
Neat, in a glass you love.
Pairs with:
Self-respect. Resting bitch face. Victory.

7. The “I Need Something With Consequences” Cocktail: The French 75

Because what are the holidays without at least one drink that could knock out a reindeer?

Enter the French 75: the elegant assassin of Christmas cocktails.
A little gin, a little lemon, a little sugar… and then, because we are festive and unhinged, we top it with bubbles.

And not just any gin.
And if we’re making one, we’re making it with Hendrick’s.

It is aristocratic mischief in a bottle.
It is the Duchess of Gin, not some dusty tincture from a plague doctor.

The gin that tastes like it summered abroad, went to finishing school, and still knows how to disappear into the night with the wrong crowd.

Light floral notes, crisp, refined, and just dangerous enough to keep things interesting.

Tasting vibe (because calling it notes feels dishonest):
Effervescent. Botanical. Sharp enough to remind you you’re alive.
Basically the personality of a woman who sends her regrets but still shows up in a floor-length gown.

Perfect for:
• When you want to feel glamorous
• When your patience is at 2%
• When you need a drink with a storyline
• When someone says, “It’s only noon,” and you reply, “Time is a construct.”

Pairs with:
Drama. Black turtlenecks. Sequins. Bad decisions wrapped in good intentions.

How to Make It (in Proper Nigella Fashion)

Take an elegant glass. Something that makes you feel like you’re in a black-and-white film and absolutely up to no good.

Or just a proper wine glass.

Into the bottom, pour:

• A good shot of Hendrick’s gin
Nothing timid. Let it bloom with all its cucumber-rose witchcraft.

• A squeeze of fresh lemon
Not too much. Just enough to wake the drink up the way December never seems to wake you.

• A whisper of simple syrup
A whisper, not a speech. This is a cocktail, not a hostage situation.

Now stir it quietly, like you’re keeping a delicious secret. With the confidence of old money and new gossip.

Now top it with icy-cold Prosecco (D.O.C. or D.O.C.G., obviously — we have standards).

Watch it sparkle like it has an alibi.

If you’re feeling theatrical, twist a lemon peel over the top and drop it in.

Then take a sip, sigh dramatically, and let the gin and bubbles remind you that the holidays are survivable… with the right allies.

Final Toast

May your holiday be messy, magical, and mildly tipsy.
May your gifts be delightful.
May your in-laws behave.
May your tree stay upright.

And most importantly…
May your wine glass never be empty, unless you intended it to be.

Now go lie under the Christmas tree and radiate that “limited-edition luxury collectible” energy. You earned it.